this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
