Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
farters have to be the big spoon...
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
