Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
