My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
