she woke up with a sticky ear
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
