I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
