Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
