I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
