Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
