I like my sex mixed with concussions.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You pole danced in your parka.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
