Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
zippers are such a cool invention
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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