the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
