I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
