she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize