She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
