what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
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