The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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