a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
where are you?
Hypothermia
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
