ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
