Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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