ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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