My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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