just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
