party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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