everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
