he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
