i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
