Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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