i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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