my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
