Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
