The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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