Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
