If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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