It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
