Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
