Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
It was confusing and full of hummus
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
