By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Randomize