$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
