I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
