don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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