You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
