Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
