i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
