did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
