If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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