i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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