There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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