in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
