I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Less talking, more tequila
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
