I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
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