So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
