Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I am one with the molecules
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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