i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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