I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Randomize
