he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
