guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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