Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
