I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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