R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
