Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize