Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
