You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
