Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
