a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
