I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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