If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
