Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
