What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
