You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
