If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
