I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize
