well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
