The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
