I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
