i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Randomize
