while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You pole danced in your parka.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
