she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
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