ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
