I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
