After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
