Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
