I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
