I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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