I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Be still, my beating vagina.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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