my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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