So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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