i need an iv and a liver transplant
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
