i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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