my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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