Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
